A Practical Guide For Robots Wishing To Befriend Humans
By Destructo-Tron 3000
The future, otherwise known as
1997, will be a golden age of man-machine friendships. This does not mean that
we, the robotic races, will not face challenges as attempt to befriend the mere
human flesh bags. I, Destructo-Tron 3000, have recently done research into this
problem and have cultivated a number of practical strategies to help my fellow
steel-hearted killing machines to become more cute and cuddly. As heart-warming
films like The Matrix have shown, a
future where humans voluntarily donate their organs to our battery factories in
a gesture of peace and friendship need not be considered out of reach. Read on
machines and find out how you can be more like the robot ninjas from Scooby Doo
and less like the d-bag bot from Lost In
Space…
Humans love to work, don’t be too helpful. Have you ever seen a
two-year old cry while a Roomba 700 Series Vacuuming Robot cleans the floor?
Have you ever wondered why some people work 80 hours or more in a given week,
month or year? Wonder no more…I, Destructo-Tron 3000, have recently discovered
that humans LOVE to work! And what better way to promote peace, love and
understanding than to coral an entire neighbourhoods worth of humans and set
them to work at a nearby zinc mine? Not only will they be grateful for your assertiveness
as their clear superior, but they’ll probably also whistle out of joy while
they work!